Pranking the Unprankable and Loving the Unlovable
by Uchihaflower14
Summary: It's April Fools again in Konoha and the girls have to think of a prank to outdo the boys. With girls getting pranked everywhere, Konoha is turning into a war zone. But then, the girls can no longer tell if they're pranking the boys, or falling for them.
1. Not the Hair

"Gimme a smile, girls!" Ino Yamanaka giggled. The three kunoichi held up their Starbucks cups and grinned for the camera. Ino snapped the picture and sat down, quickly swigging a sip of her caramel macchiato. " Ohhhhh, that's the stuff," she sighed in blissful contentment, ignoring her new fluffy white cream mustache. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Okay guys, here's the plan," she announced. Hinata, Tenten, and Ino leaned in close for the briefing. " First up is the spa. Then, having been rejuvenated, we'll hit the mall. And lastly, we need to come up with a kick-butt prank to top the boys. It is April Fools after all."

" Question, does the prank have to be on the boys?" Ino voiced. Hinata and Tenten looked to Sakura.

" No, I don't think it does. But we definitely have to come up with something better than them. You remember last year, don't you?" The girls groaned unanimously. "Last year, when we did NOTHING for April Fools, the boys not only came up with an elaborate scheme, but they activated it on US, and did nothing but harass us about it for the rest of the year. Now, do you want that to happen again?"

"No!" They chorused. Sakura smiled at her troops. They were ready for action.

...

" No offense Lord Hiashi sama, but do I really have to do _this_ as my way of bettering myself?" Neji uttered disbelievingly. He was surrounded by middle-aged women giving mushy self-esteem counseling over the phone. It was the suicide hotline. He groaned. There wasn't a single guy in the place, excluding himself and Hiashi sama. Instead it was filled with loud exclamations of, " No you deserve more than him, Sara" and " You are beautiful, just the way you are." It was like a bad version of Single Ladies by Beyonce. He shuddered. How did he even know that song? This place was having a creepy effect on him.

It wasn't that he didn't realize how necessary these things were. He recognized that and was grateful that some self-sacrificing people gave up their time to run them. But really, did _he _have to be the self-sacrificing person giving up his time? Him, pride of the Hyuuga clan? Him ninja prodigy? Him-

" Okay, Neji. You're making judgements. I can see it in your eyes. Contrary to your stubborn, egotistical notions however, I believe that this will be really good for you. Helping others, saving lives, and for once stopping that never-ending cycle of training that you call your pathetic social life."

" Pathetic?" Neji repeated, offended. Hiashi shook his head ashamedly.

" Neji. My nephew. Do you even have any friends?"

" Have friends? Of course I have friends! I have lots of friends." Hiashi raised his eyebrow inquisitively. Neji refused to look him in the eye.

" Who are your friends, Neji?" he challenged.

" Well there's... Tenten... and Tenten... and... You don't know them!" He fumed.

Hiashi sighed. " Well there's plenty of time to make friends I suppose. In the mean time, you are stuck doing this until you can deflate that impossibly enormous thing that you call your ego. If we could give these poor people one ounce of your self-confidence, maybe suicide wouldn't be such a problem." Hiashi walked away, leaving Neji feeling hopelessly stranded in the middle of a sea of women. He wasn't comfortable with women. Only Tenten. And he never really thought of her as a woman. More of a sparring partner.

" Oh and Neji," Hiashi called, popping his head back through the exit door. "That wasn't a compliment." Neji shook his head exasperatedly as the women all turned to glare at the loud intruder. God help him.

…..

Hinata sighed in utter contentment. It wasn't every day she got to simply relax, a pitcher of cucumber water by her side and a kindly masseuse arranging heated river stones along her spine to release the tension from her aching muscles.

" AHHHHHH!" A shriek that sounded a lot like Sakura resounded throughout the spa. Hinata sighed again, this time in dismay. She _used _to be relaxing.

"Gomen ne sai, Sora chan. I'm going to have to go see what happened." Sora nodded and helpfully removed the stones from her back. When her masseuse left, Hinata took a warm white towel and wrapped herself in it.

" Sakura chan?" Hinata called, hoping her friend would hear her somewhere. It proved unnecessary, however, because Hinata stumbled upon the pink haired kunoichi in the hair treatment section. Excuse me, the _used_ to be pink haired kunoichi.

For when Hinata entered, Sakura was yelling at her boyfriend the Uchiha pride, her once-envied locks now a vibrant apple green. Judging from the dye bottle she was shaking at him, Sasuke must have switched the pink dye with green. Hinata tabulated the score in her mind - Boys: 1 Girls: 0. "MY HAIR, SASUKE. DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO TOUCH THE HAIR? YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY HAIR. NO MATTER WHAT DAY IT IS HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEE!" Sasuke smirked at her.

" Are you finished yet?" he drawled.

" No, I am most certainly not finished with you, Uchiha Sasuke," she fumed, stomping her foot for emphasis.

" Too bad. I have to go. Us guys have a few more tricks up our sleeves that need sorting out. You'll be at the mall won't you?"

" Tricks? Isn't ruining my hair enough for you?" Sakura questioned angrily.

" No, it's not. Shikamaru still has to get Ino, and Neji asked us to get Tenten for him. He... uh... unfortunately couldn't be here for this happy occasion. He has some... business to take care of." At this Sasuke laughed at some inside joke that was lost on both Sakura and Hinata.

" Wait a minute, Sasuke why didn't you mention Hinata?" Sakura asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Sasuke smirked again, certain that what he was about to say was going to tick off a certain not-so-pink-haired kunoichi _very_ much. " We don't prank ladies." Hinata blushed right to her roots. At first Sakura was silent. Then, springing up, she pulled back her arm and let it snap forward, putting all her strength into a punch aimed right at his egotistical little nose. Predictably, he caught her fist in both hands and merely laughed at her livid expression.

" Sakura, Sakura. How you do amuse me," he told her. He kissed her nose and walked away, calling over his shoulder, " Don't forget - the mall. Until then, my cherry blossom."

And, just to infuriate Sakura even more, he added, " Goodbye _Lady_ Hinata." Around her, the customers and employees just stared after him in shocked silence.

" Just you wait, Sasuke," Sakura thought maliciously. " I'm going to get you back for that. I always do." He was going to wish he had never messed with Haruno Sakura.

Hey guys!

Sorry about the short chapter introduction. I hope to get more done soon, so don't give up on me yet. Any question or comments you can post in the reviews and I'll be sure to give you feedback in the next chapter.

Also, please believe me when I say, I am NOT trying to make suicide a light issue. It's a horrible thing, and I know how hard it is having a low self esteem (been there done that). I merely need this hotline thing so to have a crucial character interaction. More elaboration on that interaction will come in later chapters.

Thanks for reading,

Uchihaflower14


	2. It was a Neiman Marcus Cap!

After a grueling four hour session stripping the green from her hair and recoloring it with a soft pink, Sakura felt as frazzled as her roots. Mercifully, the girls had gone to Starbucks to get her more coffee, doing themselves as much a favor as her. (They knew what she could be like without her coffee) When it was finished, Sakura had everyone pile into her Mercedes to go to the mall. They had an appointment with the devil.

" Everyone on your guard. Apparently they have some a prank in line for us here. Little do they know, we're going to get them first," Sakura said confidently.

" Umm, Sakura? We don't even have a prank planned. Much less props to set up a prank," Tenten reminded her.

" We'll win anyway. We have willpower, wits, and our feminine physique," Ino grinned, shaking her butt. Everyone cracked up.

" What should our plan be, guys? We have to have a plan or else we'll never beat geniuses like Shikamaru and Neji," Tenten stated the obvious. This threw Sakura for a loop. Frankly she had no idea what amazing prank to pull and time was running out. All she had to propel her forward was Sasuke's almighty smirk and the thought of him smirking at her like that for the rest of the year. Honestly, she loved him, but he needed to be taken down a notch for the good of Konoha.

" We should start with surveillance. Once we find the guys, then we can think about our prank. But the most important things is not to let the guys prank us," Sakura counseled wisely.

" I think we should split up. There are four floors of the mall. We could each take one," Tenten suggested.

" I like that idea," Ino agreed. " It'll give me a chance to get Shika alone. One on one." A slow smile spread across her face at the idea.

" How will we contact each other if something goes wrong?" Hinata voiced timidly.

" Oh you worry too much, Hinata. Everything will be fine. Besides, don't you remember what Sasuke said? ' We don't prank _ladies,'" _Sakura quoted sourly.

" If something goes wrong, we can call each other. We can meet here in... How 'bout thirty minutes?" Tenten asked.

" Perfect!" everyone agreed. Hinata waved as the three clambered into the elevator, Ino departing on the second, Tenten choosing to patrol the third floor, and Sakura staking her claim on the fourth.

Ino had chosen the second floor for a reason. There was a sale in Serenity that she wouldn't miss for the world. As she passed it's display, she had to desperately remind herself that she had a mission to accomplish. But it was all over when she saw the hat. It was the most darling little tweed herringbone equestrian cap, and she knew in that instant she couldn't live another day without owning it. It was a NEIMAN MARCUS, FOR PETE'S SAKE! Okay, so that was a little melodramatic, but she _needed _that hat.

Besides, wasn't it mainly Sasuke who had done all the provoking last year? Her sweet Shika wasn't bad at all. He didn't deserve to be pranked. Resolutely, she abandoned the mission and walked in, already unfolding the wad of money jammed in her wallet.

" Umm, ma'am?" she asked the cute brunette salesgirl. "How much does the Neiman Marcus cap in the window cost?" The girl looked up from the ugly "grandma" sweaters she was folding.

" Ooooooh. Good choice. You sure can pick 'em. It's adorable, isn't it?" Ino smile-agreed. The girl reached up and took it off the mannequin.

" You're in luck. It's on sale."

" Yesss!" Ino rejoiced. " How much?"

" One hundred and five dollars." Ino's jaw dropped. _One hundred and five dollars for a sale item?_ Jeez, what was the world coming to?

" Umm... I think I'm going to come back for it," Ino stalled, as she walked out. Maybe she could borrow money from Hinata; she doubted Tenten or Sakura would understand. Outside the store, she quickly counted her money. She was off by about forty dollars. Slumping dejectedly on the floor, she didn't see the pineapple haired man watching her. She didn't see him hand a ball of cash to the salesgirl, or notice that he put something in her precious cap.

" Umm, ma'am? I'm sorry. I made a mistake earlier. The cap is fifty dollars," the salesgirl called to Ino. There was something suspicious in the way she seemed not quite sure if the cap was only fifty dollars, but Ino didn't notice it, being too busy reveling in the fact that she was about to be the owner of a trendy new accessory. She slapped it on her head after the brunette rung it up. " At last," she thought dreamily, as she spun in the mirror. " I wonder what Shika would think of it," she mused and cocked her head at her reflection. " Oh well, I'll find out later. It's not like he can see me right now." Little did she know, he could.

Hey guys!

I finally got around to putting more stuff up. Please don't lose patience with me. I have a pretty good idea of where I'm going with this. Thanks you to those – Love is only a word, Unyielding Wish, Dark anonymous, etc., etc.—who have done me the great kindness of reviewing or favoriting my story. It is greatly appreciated!

- Uchihaflower14


	3. His Girl

A Poem about writing this story ( the actual story is about a paragraph below.)

Once upon in a land, oh so far away, lived a poor tired author who had had a bad day. She was sick in her bed, no it wasn't pneumonia. Still, she felt like her throat had been scrubbed with ammonia. " BUT THE READERS!" she cried, sitting up in her bed. " Nothing can delay me, much less my sore head." She stole her computer from her poor little brother, blew a kiss to her dad, said goodbye to her mother. For she was going to a land farther away, the land of manga and sweet, good anime. Immersed in the Japanese cartoony feel, her head, once again, started to reel. This time however, twas a happy sensation. The kind you can get from good animation. In perfect and peaceful and wonderful bliss, she sat down to write and out came... this.

Ha ha! That was fun. P.s. I still don't own Naruto. But maybe I can buy the rights!

And to those of you who picked this up thinking it was a Nejiten fic, I'm sorry, but Neji ten is no longer the main pairing. There is none. I will still do Nejiten scenes, though, because this story is about the main couplings in Naruto. And one cannot do a story on the main couplings in Naruto without Nejiten. Neji is just too hot to be left out!

...

Hinata wasn't having any luck. She had scoured the food court, checked the carousel, looked in Eien Juroku, Paree, Elizebeth Taylor, and every other store on the ground floor. Now she was back in the food court, waiting for her friends to arrive. She had heard no word from them and wasn't sure if this was good or bad. Unless her watch was wrong, everyone was late. Just to give her brain something to do other than worry, she decided to pick up a salad from Harvest Bliss. It was a cute, earthy booth with pictures of ripe tomatoes and flourishing grain hanging from the walls. She couldn't decide whether she wanted the Asian Chicken salad or the Cranberry Spinach salad. She moved forward to see the menu better and accidentally stepped on the man in front of her.

" Oh, I'm so sorry. Are you all right?" she rushed, looking worriedly at him with big lavender eyes.

" I think I'll survive. But maybe you could kiss it better." He turned to her. " Oh! Hinata, I'm sorry," he apologized, correcting his un-gentlemanly behavior. " I didn't realize it was you."

" Naruto kun?" she wondered, confused. Of all the places to find Naruto, the salad bar was the one?

" Shh... Don't blow my cover," he joked easily. "You hungry?" he then asked, taking out his wallet. " I'll pay."

" N-no Naruto kun, I can't let you do that," Hinata protested mildly. His eyes seemed to sparkle at her.

" And why not? It's my money. What do you want?" She blushed, as he had stepped closer to her in his enthusiasm.

" Umm..." she mumbled, turning her head so that her friend's piercing eyes wouldn't muddle her more than his heady cologne had. Thinking he had done something wrong, Naruto stepped back and gave her some space.

" Are you alright?" he asked and wondered if he had come one too strong. She smiled brilliantly at him. He blinked dazedly.

" I'm fine, Naruto kun," she assured him," I had a little headache."

"Oh," he sympathized. " Those are the worst. Do you need to sit down?" His concern filled her with warmth.

" No, I think I'll be fine. U-um, but... should my friends know you're here?" she asked.

" Darn! I forgot about the mission!" He exclaimed. When she looked warily at him, he explained, " Not that I was going to prank you of course Hinata, but I was supposed to help that smart-aleck Neji get Tenten. I was just so hungry that I completely forgot and... why is this line taking so long anyway?" he moaned, clutching his stomach. It growled as if to notify him of its neglect.

" Oh dear,' Hinata worried. " Maybe you should get food somewhere else. You could go to the Red Dragon if you wanted."

" Hmm... HEY! I have a great idea, Hinata. Let's forget this stupid healthy stuff. Do you wanna go pick up some ramen? What Granny Tsunade doesn't know won't kill her. It could be lots of fun," he coaxed.

" I-I would love to help you Naruto," she murmured shyly. " U-uh. Naruto?"

" Yeah?" he answered, curious as to what she might say. She did that cute thing he loved where she tapped her middle fingers together in a little nervous gesture.

" You can ignore me if I'm prying, b-but... what does Lady Tsunade have to do with this?" He laughed, to her surprise.

" Well... Granny Tsunade noticed that all I eat is ramen. So, she made a 100 yen bet that I couldn't go twelve meals without eating ramen and only eating healthily. And, she didn't trust me not to cheat, so she makes me get her a witness every mealtime." He hung his head in mock shame. " I couldn't bring myself to eat well, so I skipped breakfast." Poor Naruto. In his world that was probably impressive.

" O-oh. I see. How many healthy meals do you have left?" Hinata asked, trying to help him.

" Twelve," he replied, eyeing her cautiously to see her reaction. She sweatdropped. He sighed.

" I know. I'm pathetic. I just can't bring myself to eat that stuff. Salads are just tasteless pieces of trash. While ramen..." His eyes sparkled.

" Of course, I'm a man of my word, so either I'm going to starve to death or I'm going to go through with this. Neither option seems very good at this point," he noted glumly. His shoulders drooped in defeat.

" Gomen, Naruto kun. But you know, it doesn't have to be that bad. I can help you make a really good salad. My m-mother's recipes."

" Really?" he exclaimed, all enthusiasm regained. " Great! It's settled then. Why don't we take my car? You can have shotgun. My girl should have the best seat." She smiled. It may have been a term that he used nonchalantly, but she didn't take it lightly. Being _his _girl sounded good to her.


	4. Whoops Does Sasuke Have A Ponytail?

...

The three of them convened at a "Red Dragon" Table. The cutesy anime dragon's adorable smile painted on the plastic surface made Tenten want to punch something. Why did the stupid dragon have to be so happy anyways? It would have made Tenten's misery seem alot less pronounced if someone else was desolate with her. She hadn't sen Neji all day, and, though it was annoying to be pranked, it was kind of cute how the guys were pranking their loved ones. And the girls oblivious happiness at pranking them back made her nauseous as well. How could she, Tenten, have the right to prank Neji, Hyuuga genius, when he only liked her as friend? The obvious "silver lining" of April Fools was just another day where the boys could show their girls they liked them without actually having to say anything at all. Oh well, she sighed to herself. This mission is not about me. Its about my friends. There's plenty of time for throwing weapons at targets to vent my frustration later.

" All right, guys!" Sakura said energetically. " Who wants to share about their mission first? Any takers?" She eagerly scanned the faces of her friends. She noticed that Tenten did not look happy to be there at all. Before she could inquire on that subject, however, Ino interrupted her.

" Hey, where's Hinata?" No one knew what to say. The shy clan leader was nowhere to be found, though Sakura had clearly sent out a text ten minutes ago that they were extending the meeting date by ten minutes and the location was the first table on the right of the red dragon.

" I'll check my messages. Maybe she sent us a text. Maybe-" Sakura trailed off, checking her cheap Blackberry and groaning when, immediately after being opened, it ran out of battery.

" Uh. Someone else will have to do it," she finished lamely.

Ino smiled. " Forget to charge your phone again, Forehead?" Sakura crossed her arms in defiance to the stupid pet name Ino still insisted on calling her (thought she had grown into her forehead long ago), but nodded sheepishly in acknowledgement that, once again, she had neglected her phone. If this kept up it would soon be a blueberry from sadness. Wow, thought Sakura. That sounded cheesy even in my head.

" No worries," Ino reassured her, flipping open her own highly superior Iphone.

" Messages: 1. Hinata Hyuuga- Gomen ne sai, everyone. It is very rude of me to leave you like this. But while I was waiting for you guys, I saw Naruto Kun and he-" Ino stopped abruptly, eyes wide. " Oh. My. Gosh."

" What! What!" Sakura exclaimed, " You can't just throw a cliffhanger like that at us!"

" Be patient," Ino scolded and quickly scanned the rest of the short paragraph. She squealed in delight when she finished, causing Sakura to squeal in delight as well. They both continued squealing until Tenten shut them both up.

" Enough!" she yelled. " Are you going to tell us what happened or not?"

" Oh right." It was Ino's turn to look sheepish. " Naruto and Hinata are-" She pause for dramatic effect. " going on a DATE!"

" AHHHH!" Sakura screamed. Tenten shrugged at the passers-by, trying to let them know that she had nothing to do with her friends' lunacy.

" NO WAY!" Sakura exclaimed. " There is no WAY he finally got the guts to ask her out!"

" Well," Ino explained, " I don't know if I would call it 'asking her out.' Here let me read the rest to you. "He sort of asked me on a date. It might be a bit optimistic calling it that, but he did ask me out for ramen. However, apparently he was bet that he couldn't survive without eating ramen and that canceled the Ichiraku option. I ended up in his front seat on the way to the grocery store to help him make a salad that will appeal to his tastes. Please know that I never would have backed out on you guys if it wasn't as important as... well... making Naruto realize that I'm the one for him. I wish you luck on your mission as well. - Hinata" Geeze, that sounds just like Naruto." Ino rolled her eyes. Thinking that _Ichiraku _was the perfect date. How did Sakura survive with him for a teammate?

" You're right," Sakura agreed. " I don't think the baka deserves someone like Hinata chan. Well, love is a mystery. Getting back to the mission, who wants to share?" Neither Tenten nor Ino met her eye.

" No one? Fine," she sighed. " I guess I'll have to share my wonderful victory first." They both looked up, interested now.

" Well," she went on, " I was walking along the top floor and I saw Taza's Weaponry. It seemed like the kind of place Sasuke would be in, so I slipped through undetected. By the way, Tenten, you should check it out. There are all kinds of ancient swords, grappling hooks, bokkens, kunai, shuriken, and there was even something called a... shogun? No that's not it. Maybe a shogul? No-"

" Can we get back to your victory?" Ino cut in.

" Oh yeah. Well, Sasuke was actually in there!" _Collective gasps. _" I know. He wore this hoodie that covered most of his hair and this really weird turtleneck thing with red clouds on it to cover most of his face. But I could still see his eyes, so I knew it was him. I managed to stay undetected. And let me just say, with my prank, Sasuke should be paying a large fine or spending the rest of the day in jail."

" WHAT!" Ino laughed disbelievingly. " You got him arrested?"

" I didn't stay to watch. I made sure the security cameras were pointed the other way ( they swivel), and I put one shuriken in his back pocket." She had trouble not bursting into giggles. " But I heard the alarm go off when he crossed the line and I heard the manager calling for him to stop. It was hilarious."

Just then a shout rose up, turning heads in the direction of the elevator. A man was getting off it, his arms pinned behind his back and a security officer pulling him along by the shoulder. He was arguing loudly with the officer.

" I don't know how it got in my back pocket! I did not put it there! It wasn't my fault!" Sakura held in a snicker and put her head down on the table to avoid suspicious glances.

Ino's eyes bugged out as he passed them. " Umm. Sakura?"

" What?" came the muffled reply.

" I'm not sure that was Sasuke you got arrested." Sakura gasped and looked for herself. Sure enough, the man had Sasuke's blue black hair, but it was much too long, and pulled back in a ponytail that Sasuke would have considered much too girly to sport. Though the man had Sasuke's obsidian eyes, he also had deep stress lines on his too-young-to-have-wrinkles face.

" Oh no," Tenten breathed. " Sakura, you pranked the wrong person!"

...

Readers,

Hmmm... I wonder who that person could possibly be... Ponytail? Sasuke kun eyes? Stress lines? Red cloud turtleneck? Any guesses? Lol. I hope you liked the chapter. I feel like I haven't been stressing it enough, but please review. Honestly it only takes a couple seconds to do me that enormous favor. Constructive criticism is, as always, appreciated. But no BASHING! I still don't own Naruto. But if I conveniently make Masashi Kishi Moto disappear, does that mean I can redo his manga? *lightbulb* However, none of you would probably want that to happen, because though I have some ideas for the plot line, the art would most likely be stick figures. Well, that's about it! I'll update as soon as possible. Meanwhile, you're job is to review! Thanks for reading!

Love,

Uchihaflower14


	5. It Won't Come Off!

" Okay. Don't panic, Sakura. Maybe its just a coincidence that a guy who looks alot like Sasuke decided to steal something on the same day he got pranked?" Ino attempted. Sakura glowered at her.

" That was a pathetic way of trying to make me feel better, Ino Pig. I just got an innocent man arrested. What am I gonna do?" she wailed, clutching Tenten for support.

" Well... At least you pranked someone?" Tenten volunteered, causing the rosehaired girl to bawl harder.

" Sakura!" Ino reprimanded her. " This is not like you! So what if you messed up and got an innocent guy in jail? It could happen to anyone. So what if you completely missed your target who's probably still out there to get you any minute now? You can still beat him. So what if you ruined that guys future and outlook on life and-"

" You guys stink at positive encouragement, you know that?" Sakura sniffed. Tenten patted her on the back.

" What Ino meant to say, Sakura, is that it's not all over yet. We can help that guy out and prank Sasuke and kick Neji's butt and still have time to do makeovers. We're girls, for crying out loud. We'll get it done. Don't you worry."

Sakura took a Kleenex from her purse and blew loudly. " You're right," she admitted, squaring her shoulders. " We will kick Neji and Sasuke's butt, still. The mission is not over yet!" Ino sighed in relief.

" Well, I'm glad that's settled. Now can we go? How about we go see that new movie Drops of Love? That looks really sweet in a chic flicky kinda way."

" Did you not hear anything Tenten and I just said? We are not aborting this mission! We are still going to dominate this April Fools. Don't you want to shame Shikamaru?" she reminded her.

Ino scuffed her shoes against the table, forgetting in her ever-growing guilt that they were expensive Dior pumps. " No!" gasped Sakura " You want out?"

" Well its just that, I don't think Shikamaru deserves to be pranked," Ino said, rushing to her defense. "He didn't prank me last year and he's not pranking me this year. Sasuke didn't do too much damage to your hair anyway, and I think we would all have more fun if we just took it easy and hung out together. Hinata thought so, but she never would have told you, because she's too polite."

" Well you've been holding that one in for awhile," Sakura said sarcastically.

" Hey, guys, can't we all just get along?" Tenten pleaded, wishing that the drama would just _stop _already. They both ignored her.

" So what have you been doing this whole time, just stewing and keeping that inside, huh? And then you thought you'd do a little shopping on the side, forgetting that we had a deal. We were going to stop the boys together," Sakura reminded her. " What is that anyway?"

" This?" Ino pointed proudly at her new cap. She stood up, twirling for them to see every angle. " It's a Herringbone Tweed Equestrian Cap."

" Sorry, I don't speak excessive Diva," Sakura retorted.

" What are you so mad about anyway?" Ino sat down again. " I mean you were going to prank him on your on anyway right?" Sakura was quiet for a moment.

" Yeah. I guess you're right. I just thought it would be really cool for us to be a team together. I like being with my bff."

Ino's eyes misted. " Aww, forehead! You should have just said something like that. Come here!" She embraced her best friend in a sweet hug. They were strong girls with hot tempers, but the best part of their relationship was always when they made up.

" I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and didn't want to help you. I promise I'll do my best to help you get Sasuke back for his awful and inconsiderate practical joke," Ino told Sakura.

" I'm sorry I accused you of being an excessive Diva; I don't really think you are," Sakura murmured into Ino's shoulder. " And I'm sorry for being so OCD about this whole April Fools thing. I've been ridiculous. I promise to be a better friend to you and Tenten."

Tenten smiled at her two companions. They were _so _weird sometimes. But hey, she shrugged it off, what's life without a little spice?

" Can I see your pretty cap again, Ino chan? I didn't get a good look at it," Sakura asked shyly. Ino smirked and brought her hands up to her forehead as if to pull it off from the front. She gave a short tug, and then yanked her hand back as if she had been burned. " YOWCH!" she screeched.

" Ino chan?" Sakura asked, worried now. Ino was staring, shocked, at her hands.

" What the heck just happened," she wondered. She brought her hand up again, this time giving a tentative little pull. " OOOWWWWWW!"

" Ino!" Sakura cried. " Are you okay?" Ino just looked wide eyed at her friends.

" My. Cap. Won't. Come. Off," she forced the words from her mouth.

Sakura laughed, the sound coming off as more than a little hysterical. " That's silly, Ino. Of course it'll come off." To prove her point, she snuck up behind Ino and gave an almighty heave, tried to jerk the hat from off the girl's throbbing head.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Ino collapsed on the floor crying her eyes out, both her and her inner chibi. " It's stuck!" she screamed " It won't come off!"

" Is there something wrong here?" A disgruntled mall cop had wheeled up to the them to see the cause of all the complaints he had been getting.

"Uh..." Sakura sweatdropped. " Officer, it's just our friend. There's something in her cap that made it stick to her head and it won't come off, no matter how hard we try."

" Sure, sure. You don't want to tell me. I get that. But the thing I want to know is, are you going to be quiet or am I going to have to haul you out of this mall myself?"

" But it's true, officer! See for yourself," Tenten testified. He stepped off his wheelie-device-thingy and came to stand over the weeping girl. She was far too gone in the pain to notice anything else, so it came as a shock to her system when the man yanked at the tweed fabric, doubling the agony of the wracking waves being sent through her roots. This time her screams really kicked into gear. People actually started evacuating the mall, thinking she was a fire siren or some emergency warning of the kind.

" Miss. Miss. All right, please, Miss," the frazzled police man said. " Oh dear. There's a hair salon on the west side of the building. I'll call in reinforcements and we can take her there. It'll have to come off."

" Ino won't be happy about that," Sakura noted dubiously. He waved it off in disregard.

" It doesn't matter. She's turned our sacred mall into a mad house. The cap must be removed." He was back on his wheelie-device-thingy in a flash and driving away. He whispered frantically into his walkie talkie.

" Shh... It's okay, Ino. You're going to be fine." Sakura and Tenten rubbed Ino's back in comforting circles, crooning meaningless words of consolation. She was just moaning now, lying on the floor in a lifeless pile of limbs. When she could finally sit up, she wiped her eyes blearily and hauled herself into the nearest plastic chair.

Ino spoke, sounding forlorn and hopeless, " They're going to have to cut off my hair, aren't they?" Neither answered.

" Aren't they?" she repeated frenziedly. Sakura avoided her blue eyes.

" Yes, Ino. It will have to be pretty short." Before Ino could reply, the cop was back. He held open the door of the mini police buggy for the girls.

" Well," he said. " Shall we?" The girls filed in, the continuing silence feeling uncomfortably close to a suffocating blanket. It didn't feel like they were going to the hair dressers. It felt like they were going to a funeral.

...

Readers,

Teehee! Ino still hasn't figured out who is behind it! You'd think she would realize right? Well she will! In the next chapter! I've gotten alot done today! I'm so proud of myself! I'm sorry for the shocking lack of romance. I'll make up for that next time!

Read and Review guys, Read and Review. I can't ever say it enough. Also I don't own Naruto. I wish I owned the mall... Alas. Thank you for reading!

Love,

Uchihalflower14


	6. Love Pixie

...

" Man, this is so troublesome." Shikamaru moaned.

" Well, if she loves her hair so much why did you do it?" Sasuke asked.

" You told me to prank her, remember?" Shikamaru reminded him curtly. " If I wasn't so afraid of you Chidori-ing me then I would have given up a long time ago. It was way to much work."

" Oh? You didn't have another motive?" Sasuke said, a smirk in his very voice. He was on the fourth floor, actually in Taza's weaponry, talking on his cellphone to Shikamaru. Shikamaru was tailing Ino, both because he was worried about her ( something he would never divulge to his team captain), and because Sasuke had told him to maintain visual perspective on the girls. Shikamaru scowled at the ceiling.

" Maybe I should prank you, Uchiha. If you ask me, you're getting too high on your horse." Sasuke was unfazed.

" You wanna come up here and fight me, Baka?" It was usually an insult he reserved expressly for Naruto, but he decided to make an exception in this case.

" That's all right. I value my life too much." He sighed. " Okay, they're entering the hair salon. You want me to go in?"

" Go get 'em... I mean... _her." _

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. " Whatever, man. After today I'm just going to watch clouds for the rest of my life. Girls are too troublesome to think even think about."

" If it's so troublesome, then why on earth did you choose to fall in love with the most troublesome girl who ever lived?" Shikamaru hung up.

" Don't know, man," He said to no one. " I just couldn't help it."

...

Right foot. Left foot. Right foot. Left foot. That was all Ino would let herself think about as she walked intentionally slowly to the hair salon. Completely emptying her mind was hard, though. There were some things her brain really wanted to ponder over that she would rather it wouldn't. Like how had glue gotten in her hat? She knew only to well the answer to that one. The question was, when had he sabotaged it? She couldn't remember the hat being anything but perfect when she had first inspected it... She went over the memory quickly. She had seen the hat, walked into the store, the lady had gotten it down for her, she had said the price was one hundred and five dollars... And then I went out of the store, she recalled horrified. She knew in there lay her answer. He had ruined the hat while she was wondering how she would pay the enormous sum. And then, he had paid for half of it, so that she would be sure to buy it.

She was so drained, however, that she couldn't find it in herself to be mad at him. She only felt exhausted and a sense of ever-increasing dread as she neared the place's threshold. Sakura reached for her hand and squeezed it comfortingly. Ino was grateful that she didn't speak. Words would have cracked the haughty indifferent facade she was keeping up for the sake of her friends. They probably saw through it anyway ( they weren't her best friends of fourteen years for nothing), but it helped her feel a little bit better to pretend that this was nothing, that she didn't care what happened to her hair. She sniffed and Tenten put her arm around her. They had arrived. The police man waved from his buggy, apparently glad he didn't have to witness the murdering of Ino's precious locks.

" Hello and welcome to Tress for Less. My name is Tori. How may I help you ladies today?" the lady at the counter asked. Sakura and Tenten both looked at Ino. When it became clear that she was not saying _anything_, Sakura shifted uneasily and said in a stiff voice-

" We need a haircut." Tori seemed confused at the unintentional hostility.

" All right. Would that be for all three of you?"

" No. Just her," Tenten interceded.

"Oh," Tori replied studying Ino. " All right, our five hair dressers all have customers right now, but Arisu should be done shortly. If you'll just follow me to the waiting room-" Ignoring the woman and her friends' concerned stares, Ino walked away from them all, to the sign that said " bathrooms." She needed some time alone to recompose herself before it happened. Emotionally compromised, she wasn't paying much attention to her feet, so it didn't come as a shock that she tripped over the table in front of the door. But before she could collapse and, undoubtedly start crying again, strong, sure hands caught her and wrapped around her securely.

" Ino." She heard a pained voice whisper. She gazed up into his tortured face. Her fear and exhaustion sapped away, replaced with confusion as she looked at him, wondering what could possibly make the lazy genius look that way.

" Shika?" she said tentatively. He pressed her tighter to him in response.

" S-shika, what's the matter?" she asked. He brushed his hand over her cheek, making little circles with his fingertips.

" I'm so sorry, Ino." he said simply. She smiled. It didn't even feel that bad anymore with him by her side.

" It's okay, Shika. I'm not mad at you. And I feel fine, so..." She stopped when he let go of her and grunted disgustedly.

" You don't have to do that for me, Ino. I know you. I've seen you angry, happy, terrified, concerned, sad, and everything else. Mostly angry though-" he backtracked when he saw her expression. He smirked.

" Kidding, Ino. I just don't want you to have to try so hard. I know how scared you are." She grinned effortlessly.

" I'm not scared, idiot. I'm excited. I think I'll look adorable with a pixie cut."

" Guess I'm not surprised. Troublesome woman."

She glared at him. " You were doing so well at first. I almost liked you for a second."

" That'll never change though, will it?" he muttered.

" Oh, I don't know. There are a couple of things you could do to get in my good graces again..." He wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

" Like what?" he asked testily.

" Kiss me." And so he did.

...

YAY! Fluff. I hope you like it! Shika is so cute! If you have any suggestions, comments, please do not hesitate to address it in the reviews! I don't own Naruto, I just love him... Anywayz, thanks for reading!

Love,

Uchihaflower14


	7. Denial City and Other Monuments

Sorry for taking so long! If you want me to update sooner, go to my profile page and vote for this story in each vote I will dedicate an extra five minutes to each story per numb of votes. Thank you! I don't own Naruto!

...

After leaving Ino in the capable hands of Shikmaru, Sakura and Tenten decided they were so over this whole mall thing and wanted to go home. Needless to say, Sakura was definitely NOT over the whole pranking thing, so just to make sure that Tenten wouldn't have thoughts about giving up, like apparently everyone else was, she made Tenten come home with her so they could plan their next attack.

" I don't get it, Sakura! Sasuke pranked you, Shikamaru pranked Ino, Hinata bailed and went on a date with Naruto, Ino abandoned you for Shikamaru, you pranked the wrong perso-"

" Thanks for reminding me," Sakura said acidly. " I almost forgot about that incident. Will you get to the point already?"

" The point is, there's no way we're going to prank them. Why don't you just give up and accept defeat? We're just girls. There's nothing we can do anymore." Sakura just stared at her, shocked and wide eyed.

" Uh, Tenten, are you taking drugs or something? Because normal Tenten would always jump at any opportunity to prove that the female race is better than the male. Are you not an extreme feminist?" Tenten sighed and sat in the nearest chair. Somehow the duo had ended up back in the food court. Specifically the red dragon. What it is with this insatiable pull that our characters feel to be surrounded by overpriced and oily Asian food, we will never find out, although Kakashi has ordered five Anbu to check out the situation. Why Kakashi and why five anbu? This, too, shall remain a mystery because we must get back to the infuriated almost-heroine Tenten who is considering how much it will hurt to punch the plastic dragon table. Tenten didn't know how she always got stuck in such annoying situations. There she was- still staring at the stupid anime dragon and still yearning to pummel the small animal.

" I still haven't changed my views that girls are better than boys. However, my views on this pranking thing have changed; I just wanna go home and polish my weapons."

" Seriously, Tenten? That's what you do when you're sad? You polish your weapons?" Sakura asked, temporarily distracted.

" I'm not called the weapons mistress for nothing, you know," Tenten countered, leaning back and getting as comfortable as she could in a wobbly plastic chair missing a leg because she had a feeling Sakura was not going to let this go.

" Well, sorry that's not going to happen. Anyway, your weapons could not possibly have gotten dirty in twenty four hours. Wasn't your excuse for not going to the beach yesterday polishing your weapons?"

Well, great. Since when did Sakura have a brain like Shikamaru? Then again, Shikamaru probably wouldn't have put any effort into remembering, and Sakura did have the best test grades in-

" Tenten! Snap out of it! You're glaring at the table again." Oh. She hadn't realized it but she was right back to death-staring the poor innocent table.

" Yeesh," Sakura exclaimed. " You really need a pick me up. Why are you so bummed anyway? It's not like Neji pranked you or anything."

" And that," Tenten thought to herself, " is exactly why I'm mad, genius."

" Oh," Sakura realized, looking at Tenten's expression. " This is about him isn't it?"

" What? Ha, ha. No! Of course it's not! I'm sad because I can't polish my weapons!" It was a good thing that Tenten was a horrible liar, or else Sakura most likely would have found herself wondering why she was hanging out with someone as lame as a weapons mistress whose happiness depended on the shininess of her artillery. As it was, Sakura raised her eyebrows at Tenten, but otherwise, let the subject drop.

" Whatever. Stay in denial if you want. I'm going to go see if they sell pocky here. You want something?" Sakura asked politely.

" If I look at another dragon, I'll probably snap. But thanks for the offer." Tenten declined, scrolling idly through her phone for texts.

Messages= 1. Neji Hyuuga- Tenten, I desperately need something to distract me. Training?

Oh, so now she was just a distraction. Well, she huffed, he can just about forget me training with me. Forever! Yeah right. Tenten knew eventually he would reel her back in with that cute smile of h- wait a minute Neji didn't have a cute smile. He didn't even have a smile! Since when had she become such a _girl_ ? So much for female rights activist.

Some ways away, our other almost-heroine was plotting gleefully against the oblivious weapons mistress...

" Hinata," Sakura whispered secretively into her magically revived phone, thanks to the outlet and the fact that she had completely forgotten that she always conveniently carried around a charger in her purse. " I need your help."

" O-of course, Sakura chan."

" You see, I just discovered a very interesting development! Tenten has feelings for your cousin!"

" Mizashi? But she only met him y-yesterday, when they were training together."

" Ha! I knew she wasn't polishing her weapons! But wait a second, whose Mizashi?"

" H-he's Neji san's brother. But he is a redhead n-ninja failure according to m-my father so no one really... talks about him much."

After a temporary pause to allow the awkward silence to ebb and flow, Sakura managed to move past the fact that Neji had a brother who no one knew about with red hair who was a ninja failure and spoke up. " Anyway, Hinata, I think Tenten likes Neji!"

" Oh," Hinata said miserably. " I thought you were going to say that, b-but I was hoping I was wrong."

" Uh... Why?" Sakura was very confused as to why it should matter whether it was Mizashi or Neji or whoever else Hinata's relatives were.

" Because... um... n-no offense to Neji ni san of course, b-but he would not be the best romantic int-terest."

" Oh," Sakura said dejectedly. It only required a moments thinking to realize that Hinata had a point. Neji _would _be a pathetic boyfriend. At least Sasuke had class! He didn't mind a fancy restaurant date every now and then. Even Naruto actually took Hinata on a sort-of date ( If you can call grocery shopping and watching her cook going out.) But Neji? Neji would probably think doing his Kaiten and having Tenten throw her multitude of weapons at him was satisfying enough to be a date. " Well. I guess you're right. But what are we going to do about Tenten?" Sakura pouted slightly.

"Is she s-sad, Sakura chan?" Hinata worried, poking her fingers together in her nervous habit.

" Yeah. She's in complete and utter denial. She's so sad she keeps babbling about weapons. Although, then again, she does that when she's happy, too," Sakura mused.

" Ah... Well did you want to try to g-get them together? I-I'm sure Neji could work on being a better b-boyfriend."

" What a _great_ idea, Hinata!" Sakura rejoiced, as if that hadn't been her evil plan all along. " Speaking of boyfriends, Hinata, how did your date with Naruto go?"

Hinata has very limited choices when it comes to reactions. Nearly everything makes her blush, talking makes her stutter, scary or daunting situations make her poke her fingers together, and _really _scary situations make her faint. In this case, she was blushing a very deep scarlet because anything that has to do with Naruto is bound to be on the top of the list of things that make her blush.

" Uh... I-it was wonderful. N-n-naruto k-kun was very sweet to m-"

" HEY SAKURA CHAN!" Thankfully Sakura's eardrums were used to Naruto from having heard him as long as they can remember, so Sakura didn't die from shock at this very loud and unexpected experience.

" Hi, Naruto," she sighed, a conversation with caffeinated Naruto being a very undesirable circumstance at the moment.

" Hey, Sakura chan, guess what? Guess what! I ate A SALAD! And it was gooood!" Sakura rolled her eyes. He could be such a little kid sometimes.

" That's wonderful, Naruto. I'm so glad that you've broadened your palette," she said sarcastically.

" YEAH, I know right! Wait... What's a palette?"

Sakura sighed again. " Never mind, Naruto. It's amazing and all that you actually tried something not made of noodles and broth, but Hinata and I were kinda having a private conversation here. So unless you know the whereabouts of Sasuke, I'm going to have to ask you to hang up.

" But I DO know where Sasuke is, Sakura chan! He's right here with me and Hinata!"

" Naruto, you idiot! Give me the phone!" Sasuke could be heard. The next few seconds were punctuated with "No's" and "Yes's" until finally Sakura could hear the _beep, beep, beep _that meant they had hung up.

" Grrr." Sakura growled. " That idiot." Meaning both Sasuke and Naruto, of course. Though she was mad at Hinata, too, no one could really call Hinata an idiot unless they were Neji, the only ninja with an ego more inflated than Sasuke Uchiha.

" That accomplished nothing! I didn't formulate a plan! And Sasuke was there, that whole time! And I don't even know where there is!" she ranted, making her way back to Tenten.

" Did you find pocky?" Tenten called, pretending to care.

" Uh. No," Sakura finally said, even though she had no idea whether the Red Dragon sold pocky or not. As it turns out, they do, but how was she supposed to know? She had wasted all her time with evil plots. " Let's go to my house, Tenten."

" Okay," Tenten got up and followed her still ranting leader. She didn't bother to voice her complaints. She knew it would be useless.

…

Well, well! Where is the elusive Sasuke? What will happen to Hinata if Sasuke decides to use her in a trap? Can Naruto protect her? Will he? All these questions and more will be answered in the next chapter!

Thank you for reading!

None of you seem to be answering my pleas for reviews. Sigh. How typical. Well, there's nothing more I can do but ask. And say that I will break out into Carmelldansen if I get five more reviews. :) Seriously.

To the select few who value my sanity—

Kyaro chan—Thanks you so much! I know. Naruhina is my favorite coupling ever! Shikamaru and Hinata are my two favorite characters, but them in a pairing would be totally weird and wouldn't make any sense, so I like writing stories about Hina and Naru kun and Ino and Shika kun. It used to be Sakura until I rewatched the series and saw the true light of just how annoying she is.

Michiko-naoki—Why thank you! Don't you just love the word KAWAii! Even the word just screams out cuteness. I have a bad habit of throwing in Japanese words into my English fanfiction. Some people find it annoying ( including my two best friends) but I think it adds flavor, no?

XxlizziexcielxX—Wow. That was a very confusing name to type. Your name must be Lizzie, huh? Thanks! I too am in love with Masashi's characters engaging in a little pranking friendliness. It has been a lot of fun torturing them and pairing them up.

Darkanonymous—Nejiten is coming very soon! I promise! Please bear with me!

Love is only a Word— Arigatou! Did you like what naughty Shika did to her hat?

Unyielding Wish—THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

There! Just wondering, do you guys think I should include Lee or some other characters in the story?

Messages= 1. Sakura Haruno- HINATA! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SASUKE WAS THERE?

" Oh dear," Hinata thought. " I'm in trouble now." She typed as quickly as she could, breaking the asterisk key by accidentally doing the gentle fist on the keyboard. Thankfully, no one really cares about asterisks, so it's all cool.

" Gomen, Sakura chan! But I didn't really have a chance to tell you! I had just finished eating with Naruto when Sasuke came in and started telling Naruto off for not pranking me. They got into a fight, which I tried desperately to break up, but Naruto still got a black eye and Sasuke still broke his left wrist. Then you called and they both stopped punching each other to listen to our conversation. I was going to try to warn you but- And here she pressed send because Sasuke was approaching her and looking very threatening indeed.

" Woah, Woah, Sasuke teme. You're taking this waaaay too seriously. It's only April Fools, you know." Naruto stood in front of her, shielding her from the burning gaze of the angsty nineteen year old.

" Give me the phone, Hinata. And you, Naruto. Either help your team, or leave now."

" Teme! You can't boss me around in my own house!" Because yes, Naruto's extremely messy apartment was the super secret location that Sakura was trying to locate.

" Isn't that what we've been fighting about for the last ten minutes? Yes, loser, I can boss you around," Sasuke stated what he apparently thought should have been the obvious. But since Naruto repeatedly has shown Sasuke he's stronger than him by, you know, SAVING HIS LIFE, I wouldn't be talking if I was in Sasuke's shoes.

" Whatever, Sasuke. Me and Hinata are leaving anyway. You wanna see a movie, Hinata?" Hinata was up for anything Naruto wanted to do, even if it was eating artichokes and watching Barney. However, this idea didn't seem to fly with Sasuke.

" She's staying right here, dobe," he said evenly.

Naruto just stared in disbelief. " What?"

Sasuke smiled. " Bait of course." Naruto hardened, his arms curving protectively around Hinata.

" No."

" Calm down. You know I wasn't even asking your permission, but it doesn't matter because I promise she won't be hurt. This makes things so much more fun."

" You're crazy." Naruto put his feelings bluntly. Hinata agreed, but felt that it was in her best interest to keep quiet and not provoke the Uchiha, just in case he did decide to keep her hostage.

" No, I'm not. You don't even have to do anything. You lovebirds can just stay here and do whatever it is you were doing before I came in, and Shikamaru and I will take care of the rest." Hinata and Naruto both silently protested to the term "lovebirds."

" I don't know if Hinata's comfortable with you doing that to her friends either," Naruto said after a short pause. Sasuke sighed heavily.

" I hate complications. I didn't want to have to tell you this, dobe, but I guess I'll have to, in order to keep you from making a scene. I also don't want to break my other wrist, and I think you need that other eye pretty badly." Sasuke motioned for Naruto to come closer. Naruto eyed him warily. He sighed again.

" I won't hurt her, Naruto. I have nothing against Hinata." Naruto carefully approached Sasuke, his hands in front of his face.

Sasuke smirked at him. " Are you afraid of me, loser?" Naruto bristled and put his hands down.

" Shut up, teme. I'm not afraid of you."

" Good." He leaned over and whispered something in Naruto's ear. Naruto's good eye grew as wide as a saucer. He seemed rendered completely speechless.

" T-tonight?" he finally managed. Sasuke smiled and nodded. Naruto gulped, still digesting whatever horrifying piece of information Sasuke had just told him.

" Wow, teme. For once I have absolutely no comment," Naruto admitted.

" Then why did you say anything at all?" Sasuke


	8. Melodramatic Housewives

" One. Two. Three. Okay, last one baby then it's all over. Could you tilt your head to the right a little?" With the stiff mechanics of a robot, Ino twisted her head fractionally. Her hand- already a vice around Shikamaru's wrist- dug its nails into his skin, leaving perfect linear evidence of her manicure. He clenched his teeth trying not to scream, but a small, shrill squeak managed to escape ( which ended up sounding even less manly than a scream).

Snip. The final strands of her hair were severed . Totally unconcerned about gravity, they almost seemed to linger in the air for a bit, before falling gracefully and settling on the disgraceful cap that began the whole episode.

" Don't you want to see yourself, honey?" Arisu cajoled, brushing back a twist of her own mom-cut. " You look as cute as a button."

Tentatively, Ino unscrunched her eyes one by one. Face framing bands swept softly above her brows. Expertly crafted layers overlapped each other, providing body and volume. It was perfect, piecey, even chique. Looking at herself in the mirror she caught Shikamaru's eyes. " Staring, are we?"

His face darkened and she laughed lightly at his embarrassment. " It's okay. I give you permission. But it's going to cost you." He groaned at her malicious expression.

" You're an expensive girl, you know that?"

" I know." She smiled beatifically. Hair scattered everywhere as she stood and brushed herself off. " But I wasn't really talking about money. I was more thinking kisses and hugs and dates and sweet notes and treating me like a princess, but money works, too. Especially since I actually have an opening for a new hat with my last one being destroyed an- Shika?" She had finally noticed he wasn't following her to the register. Turning around expectantly, she noticed he was still sitting down. " Shikamaru Naara! What are you still doing there?Is this really how its going to be because I don't want to have to babysit my boyfriend. What are you waiting for?"

He exhaled heavily causing Ino to stomp over. But seeing his face, she reigned in her stream of invectives to reexamine the situation.

" Hey, Shika. You okay?" That she was worried about him clenched Shikamaru's fingers tighter in a ball. " Hey, listen, Shika," she said, trying to be soothing as she pried his fist apart. " Let's not tear our hands apa-" Noticing the thin line of blood on his wrist, she paused. " Oh no, Shika. I'm sorry. I really dug into you earlier. Is that what you're so mad about?"

He groaned. " Ino. I'm not mad at you, okay? I'm not. I'm just... frustrated." Her eyes flashed at him.

" That sounds like another version of ' It's not you, it's me. Just cut the trash and say what you mean."

" I'm sorry," he replied gruffly. " I'm trying to say sorry, Ino, and I just don't know how and I-" he took a deep breath, falling into silence. Ino studied his averted gaze. So he was guilty, huh? She could have some fun with this.

" Oh Shika," she murmured, collapsing against his chest. A soft romantic song came on the radio and she thanked her lucky stars that the universe was cooperating with her. " You know what would make me forget this whole total all awful horrific experience to the extent that I never even mention it to Sakura?" Some clueless customers began to point and stare, thinking that this must be the filming of the newest episode of _Melodramatic Housewives._ Clearly the lack of cameras escaped their notice.

Ino nuzzled her head into his chest and Shikamaru's cheeks reddened. _Okay Shikamaru, _he counseled himself. _Think! What's her next line of offense? Come on, come on..._

"Come on Shikamaru," Ino cajoled. " Won't you look at me?" PUPPY EYES! That was it! _Don't look. Don't look. Don't look. _He chanted silently.

Ino's eyes traveled the salon, searching for something she actually needed/ wanted ( because, really, in Ino's world it really was the same).Then her baby blues alighted on a poster at the front of the store.

_OMG, Ino. That's was too evil!_

_ No, no listen to me, kid. He deserves it! He cut your hair off._

_ But you never listen to me! I'm the good one!_

Her imaginary shoulder counselors glared at each other, ready to jump into world war three at her command. One twirled his red tail impatiently.

_You've got to see my point, kid. It's all a good and fun joke, right?_

_ "No I think you're right." _Ino nodded at him and he pumped his clawed fist in victory. Little Miss Goody two shoes on the right threw her halo and burst into tears.

" _Oh hush." _Ino chided, flicking her away. POOF!

_Pleasure doing business with you,_ the other said, flicking his forked tongue. Ino bid him a good fashion day- although he didn't need it. Check out that black armani suit!- and adieu. POOF!

" I want you to prove your love for me, Shika. Ino purred back in the real world. She stroked the stubble on his chin, trying to get him to look at her.

" And how would I do that?" he monotoned without complying.

" Well, I really like the way the guy looks in that poster over there so I was thinking," she left the sentence hanging, smiling suggestively at him. He squinted at the poster and all too quickly it came together and made sense. Hair salon + Poster guy+ "really like the way he _looks_". In his complete horror he broke his oath and bored his tangerine sized eyes into hers.

Children, as a good friend of mine can tell you, it is quite useless to give yourself very good advice and very seldom follow it. Poor Shikamaru found his willpower and the essence of his manhood slipping through his fingers as he looked at the pleading blue eyes of the girl he loved. He would do anything for her happiness. Even if it meant a haircut.

_..._

" Well when you pull yourself out of that stupor enough to be useful, let me know, Naruto." Sasuke said impatiently. Naruto was still slumped on the couch but he jumped up at Sasuke's nettling.

" I'll have you know, Sasuke," he spat emphatically, " that you would be just as shocked if I told YOU something like that. And I have been useful! I found Sakura and Hina chan!" Sasuke pushed away the hand that Naruto had been waving dangerously close to his face, wincing as his broken wrist was jostled.

" If you told me something like that Naruto, I would do everything in my power short of killing you to show you that it wasn't a good idea-" Naruto bristled but Sasuke continued before he could defend himself " However, that's irrelevant to the mission. As to you being useful, we already knew where Sakura was in the first place -all you managed to do was give her the information that I'm with you- and Hinata was never a target, so don't expect me to congratulate you on your date."

" You're really mean to me, Sasuke."

" If I wasn't, nothing would ever get done around here. Sometimes you're even useful when you do what you're supposed to."

" Wow. Was that a compliment?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. " I didn't say you were smart, Naruto. Anyway, Neji's still... working, so he isn't able to sufficiently distract Tenten. Currently she remains the only obstacle between myself and our goal. Shikamaru has detained Ino and Hinata. I think things have been a little too quiet for the weapons mistress. I want you to... shake things up a bit."

Naruto hesitated and curled Hinata close to his side. " You promise Hinata will be safe?" he asked gruffly

Sasuke nodded. " You have my word."

Naruto started out the door. " Naruto ku, wait," Hinata called. " Be... be careful."

He smiled and gave her a thumbs up. " You got it!" It was strange how that little promise could make her feel secure even when she still wasn't quite sure Sasuke was one hundred percent sane. Naruto had said she would be safe. And she knew that Naruto's promises had a strange habit of coming true.


End file.
